Gnosce Te Ipse

As I sit here hammering out essay grades, I've set up an 80's mix on napster. Many of these songs I haven't heard in years, and as I listen the memories come...some gentle, many sad, a few which feel like storms rising in the mind; what I feel most of all is the immutability of the past. What was, was, and it will never be anything else. I was at the center of it; what I have are my memories, perceptions, emotions from that time, and those events and feelings are burned into my soul like read-only memory. Etched into a glass pane. But how they move still. The first time I wrote about Estella, my first wife, I was fairly new to blog. It turned out to be the first post my wife read when she went to check my blog out from work. She said nothing, but how crappy is that? I will finish that story, but when I do, it will be with disclaimer. Many of the same things are true about my other memories from that decade. I didn't date a lot, I didn't feel much of anythin...

Tonight was my first vestry meeting as senior warden. It's different. The fact is the committee is full of talented people and I'm still surprised I was chosen. In the past, at the university years ago and then my college, when I did 'innovation' work I found one or two other people I could work well with, people with ideas, and then plowed ahead. What we were doing in both cases, new forms of web assisted instruction, was controversial; I found myself in pioneer mode, plowing ahead using my anger and stubborn personality to drive things forward. Also in both cases, the adminstration was on our side. This is very, very different. It's a church, and a church's job is to care for people, not drive change forward at any cost. Also, I haven't found a brilliant partner as I said; everybody's pretty darned smart, and older than I. I feel, already, inadequate. But then I'd feel that no matter what I did, short of having the bishop drive to my hous...

Some updates from my intro to Anglican class: I'm digging the open-minded, rational approach to faith. And I've had some nagging questions answered, though of course the answers are just opinions. Episcopals don't believe baptism alone can save the soul; they also don't believe you have to be baptized to be saved. Baptism is the initiatory rite into the church, yes, but apparently it's not identical to personal faith. My priest's opinion is that sometimes the holy spirit begins working in the person, before, during, or after the sacrament of baptism itself. Yes, Christ is in the elements, but they don't presume to know how or in what sense. And while I still have questions regarding scripture, many really, I feel this church lets me question. My priest, at least, believes the biblical authors didn't have absolute knowledge about the world and made assertions which are inaccurate according to modern perspective; he's open to redactive criticism, ...

I've taken down a couple of blogs that were to the right simply because the authors seem to have quit posting! Still cool people, but no bloggage. And I've changed my links. More to come when I have time. But I don't have time. This weekend I'm slammed with work. I'd like to write more up here but with a family and career...it's very hard to make the moments happen during the semester. When I read something like this piece of brilliance I'm further staggered. Everyone I read online is a good writer, but Romy's blog is the best I know, even among the 'famous' bloggers, most of whom deserve little fame. I have so much to write about from my life history I'd like to reach in that direction, but not at the moment. I'm going to submit some poems and a short essay along with my poet buddies (who are all quite published, and two sorta famous), and I haven't started my piece of that either. Five classes (a rare schedule) plus a ne...

(Scene: a freshman college composition class, afternoon; students are seated in small desks with wooden writing areas on one side; the blinds are down but open ) Prof: (writing word on board) What is Euthanasia? (confused looks, some students look down, after 30 seconds one answers) Student 1: Isn't that murder? Prof: Well, it could be looked at that way. But what exactly does the word mean? (pause) Student 1: Killing someone who is already going to die. Prof: Good, very good. Is this legal in California? Class: No, no. Prof: Where is this legal? (pause) Student 2: Oregon? Prof: Yeah, it is legal in Oregon, and I imagine the question will come up in California. There are all kinds of constraints in Oregon's law I believe, a person has to already be dying of a disease, they are supposed to have less than six months to live, there must be two written requests 15 days apart, the person has to be evaluated for depression, like that. Then I think a doctor gives ...

I've been typing and writing so much the last week I hardly want to post, but I turned in my paper, my letter and vita, last Thursday. Was it perfect? No. I thought of some district committee I was on once that I forgot to include, but I do think I represented myself well. The lady at the district personnel counter seemed impressed with my resume paper. I don't even know if the committee sees that paper or not; I can't recall if all we got was copies when I helped hire someone. But it's done. Blechh. Puke. Fin. The interviews come next, if they come (and they should almost certainly; I teach in the district for petra's sake) and while that one afternoon is very imporant, it's only one afternoon. Then the presidential interview, which I feel the least worried about for some reason. With so many people, probably near 200, applying for two positions, it takes a lot of luck to get hired, even if one does very well at all stages of the process. At some po...