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Showing posts from September, 2004

Rock Me Amadeus

Feeling better. I talked to my dean from my house last night, and things are clearly not settled, but we're working on them. I could drive down two days a week, that would be okay.

I need to change the name of this blog, not the link, but the name. I like the name, but it's also associated with me at work, and as I write about work here, I sure as snot don't want someone reading my blog. I don't have any ideas at the moment? Suggestions, anyone?

Also, I'm trying to find things to do on my long drives. I was learning french last semester, and will pick it up again when I get the cd's from a friend. And I'm listening to symphonies.

I'm no classical music buff, not by a long shot. But I do have some sensitivity to that kind of music. And napster has given me access to tons of stuff. I have Mozart's 40th and 41st symphonies in my car. And they really are marvelous. I think the more I'm feeling, whether happy or sad, the more I can access his music e…

Storm and Stress

it has always been my experience that when it rains it pours. Right now it's pouring.

Jeez, where do I begin?

The biggest thing is work related. I moved to my little mountain town 3 1/2 years ago when I started teaching online. There were no online classes when I came to my college, and somehow I ended up selling the concept to the campus. I worked my butt off for two years. I took genuine risks. I aged, I think.

The problem is I'm only able to live where I do (an hour, at best, from my college) because I drive in just two days a week. I could probably do three days a week, though I go to the airport every other week (twice) so my son can fly down to see his father; I have to drive a half hour to work out, 20 minutes to church...you get the idea. Four hours work commuting a week isn't bad. Six, maybe. But ten? No way.

And what has happened is that while I struck a special deal with my dean and v.p. way back when, more instructors want to go online now, or a few. Our depart…

The Sacred and the Profane

the very first thing I want to say here is that the feelings of those reading my blog matter more than any argument. Do I believe there is nothing wrong with profanity, even strong profanity, when it's not spoken to hurt another person? I do believe that. And I'll try and give some rationale for that another time. But so what? What matters more to me, my cute little argument or Sheri's feelings and the feelings of others who may also cringe at the eff word? No contest there guys. I told you I try not to cuss in front of my son because he feels these words are 'bad' words. Same glass of juice.

Unfortunately, there is more to it for me. Those words really do help me emote. They are part of who I am. I will continue to use them, with myself, friends, and certainly God. And this is a blog. I decided, before any of this happened, to not use profanity in my essay-posts, the 'Christianity' in the title stuff, because I wanted those essays to be approachable for al…

Da Crew (final update)

I only have about twenty minutes before I split for home, but let me say a few things:

(I came back the next morning and added a little more here)

one, sincere, heartfelt thanks for all the positive comments below, and thanks also for Sheri's challenging comment (I don't mean that it wasn't positive, of course). I was afraid to come back in and even look at my blog.

I think there are two things on the burner for me as I sit in the bloglight (for a moment, my blog has become a center of something or other). One is my own sensitivity and my own issues as a whole, my needs and hurts and hang-ups. The other thing, apart from that, is profanity. Am I making sense? I can discuss my own use of profanity on my blog and the use of profanity in general; but what I was feeling in response to being deblogged from a particular site is not the same exercise.

In brief, I'm very sensitive; I know it, and it does me little good to pretend that sensitivity is not there. Clearly, i…

On the Sacraments, Baptism (Christianity from the Inside 5.0)

This essay has sat on my hard drive for two weeks; it may not be done, but since I can't type well till my finger heals, here goes. I think I have almost an entirely evangelical audience (save romy, if she ever heads this way) so this may not seem very relevant. It is simply an issue I was working through for myself attending an Episcopal church and looking at church history.


On the Sacraments: Baptism

Salvation by faith alone,sola fide, is the absolute cornerstone of evangelical theology as I know it. Certainly that phrase as it's understood now has roots in the Reformation's reaction to medieval theology. Yet it's tough not to read Paul's arguments in Galatians, Romans, and elsewhere, and not see that he believes that what truly saves a person, what justifies a sinning soul before God, is faith. There are passages in the ot which seem to say the same thing (and Paul quotes them). In Paul's reading, sure Abraham was obedient to God, but before he was circ…

The Nod

Okay,

the pain in my fingertip got so bad I went back to the er and they gave me vicodan. I've never had this before. Holy smokes. I don't really like the feeling, kinda nauseous, kinda stone dreamy in the head (do I wake or sleep) but my finger doesn't hurt. Still, slow typing. Many thanks to chameleon and funkiller for their supportive comments.

Peace to all on my 40th; had sushi with S and Mike D. I have such a wonderful wife; she is a flower in the shade of a clearing. Quiet, unobtrusive, love and beauty. Her soul has such strength and such love for me.

t

Nine Fingered Me and the Table Saw of Doom

could have been much worse, but a dumb mistake on my part has me typing with nine fingers. Not for good though; just stitches; will be good as new in time. Man, I can't do this. Love you all but typing without my left index blows.

Wirhour consranr correcrions rhis is whar I rype like now. Pretty sucvky hey?

Well, Mike D. comes inro rown ronight to spend my b-day wirh me, cery cool. See y ou larer.

love,

t

Still Almost 40

Okay, so this 40 thing is hitting me a bit hard. Why can't I be turning 30 again? Latest news:

why the hell is zawahiri, or however you spell it, still alive and threatening the u.s.? Why is bin baden still in hiding in the mountains? If we had put the troop effort into finding those guys we put into finding Hussein, would they now be dead or captured?

It's hard not to wonder. I've said it before and you guys know how I feel; sorry to repeat myself. But the invasion of Iraq went down because a few very powerful people (Rumsfeld, Cheney, Wolfowitz) told the pres. it was in our best interest (and whatever one thinks of bush as a leader, why does he strike me as confused, easily manipulated, below intelligent, every time he opens his mouth?) I also believe those advisers thought the invasion would go over easily, with few casulaties on our side and lots of benefits for us in the long run (including economic ones); our invasion would smack down a dictator defiant of th…

Almost Forty

Oh my God, this is the best

Mm, I want you to trip like me
I want you to have fun

Me and you

Oh my God, this is the best
Mm, I want you to trip like I do

--Crystal Method/Trip Like I Do--


Today is certainly better than yesterday, and the great rule of emotion once again proves true: if I feel it, it passes. If I act it out, it controls me and feels much worse when I touch it. To quote social d., 'the story of my life.'

And on the musical note, I began with lyrics from an electronica anthem because (as a new napster subscriber) I'm discovering fresh music every day. And frankly, that song, and those lyrics (if they are that) are the smokingest thing I've heard since 'you know you're right' was released on nirvana's black album. And that had quite a different feel.

I am still drained.

Workmen from a glass shop are trying to put in a new patio slider; the one they have opens the wrong way so they're going to install…

Another Tough Afternoon

This day started well, and the last two weeks have been good, for me and for S and I. Then I started sinking.

Over what? Stupid things. There is some political bullshit battle on my campus, I don't even know what it is, and this group (anonymously, of course) went to a web site called Rate My Professors and distributed three very negative evals for business faculty on my campus. Ah, the collegial mood.

I had never heard of this site, and being a fan of free speech, checked myself out (all the professors are up there). There were only four evals I think, and they were ridiculous. Overall marginally positive, but with some critical (and I think untrue) shots that really hurt. I have a sensitive ego; I think partly I went into this job so I wouldn't be evaluated constantly. Ah, the security, the loft, the power, really, of the tenured professorship. And when I am criticized unexpectedly like that...ouch. Big trigger. I felt rejected by my parents so much as a child, ov…

Grasshopper Epilogue

I don't know why I haven't posted all week: work has been busy, I'm trying to finish the hardwood floor (and getting close). I did have one unusual experience this week though: I talked to Grasshopper, Paul C., for more than an hour. I hadn't spoken to him in eight years, and not really spoken in longer than that.

And you know what, Paul is doing well. Remarkably well. He does live in Japan and was married last summer to a Japanese woman. He teaches English (ESL really) at a private college in Japan. He tells me it's impossible for foreigners to get tenure, but he works hard and they pay him well. And he still travels all over the world: just in conversation he mentioned Brazil, the Phillipines, Morocco, Thailand, Laos, even China. I don't know where he hasn't been! He said he has already taken his wife to eight countries in one year.

Paula, his wife, is going to school full-time for IT stuff, and they sound honeymoon-happy.

The most amazing thi…