Just a Share
Just an update post.
The last two weeks, since my back injection, have felt like a year. For one, the initial lidocaine injection into the facet worked; I came around with no pain at all. That lasted for a few hours, and it wasn't until Sunday night, two days later, that the sharp pains returned. And then what a ride.
Because Monday was absolutely hell. It caught me so off guard. My pain must have quadrupled, and it was much more constant. I was so shaken up I forgot to take enough vicodin, hardly any. Then Tuesday it was the teeniest bit swollen and I laid on my back for several hours grading online papers; that caused about 3 hours of exquisite pain Tuesday night. Why am I so puritanical about taking Vicodin? I don't know, but if I ever have another injection I am sure as hell going to plan on spending a week on it.
Maybe all the stories my dad told me about how my grandfather got addicted; he lost his hand in some machinery and used to ask my dad to inject him with morphine or some other narcotic. Somehow, after some time, he simply kicked it by himself. I haven't thought about that in years. Obviously, taking a few vicodin is not the same as shooting fucking morphine.
Because the other thing was that I became a bit...stimulated, animated, as if I had a couple cups of coffee. I was just a little bit jittery, and more scared and emotional than normal. I'm not sure, but I was told the steroid can do that too. Who knows. I am feeling less jittery, less nervous, and sweating a lot less during sleep. All good, but all side effects I was not told about ahead of time.
The sad thing, truly, is that while the lidocaine worked and acted as a diagnostic tool the steroids did not. I don't think I received any relief from those meds. I called my "second opinion" ortho, the guy who suggested the facet block, and left a message with his assistant. She called me back but we haven't spoken yet. There are a couple things we could do that I know of:
1) since this injury was the result of trauma I want to know if we need to xray or mri or ct scan the actual facet to see what happened to it; that may not be the case, but that is my first question
2) a facet rhizotomy. this is where a needle is inserted and the two nerves in the actual facet joint are basically cooked using radiofrequency pulses...oddly, this only provides pain relief about 50 percent of the time, but the pain relief can be significant, even total, and can last as long as two years; typically, maybe a year, but then the procedure can be repeated. my concern with this, after my injection, is an increase in pain. that can happen I read and can last not a few days but a few weeks though it is unlikely to happen
3) there are less dramatic treatments, physical therapy mainly, working with the injury to minimize discomfort and to strengthen the muscles around the spine; this is the thing I'd like to talk about first...this injury has never completely gone away, but it has been essentially pain free or close, felt like a tightness in the area, for months at a time. if I could get back to that place I think I'd be alright with it and there is no surgery involved.
On my back, that's about it for now. It flared up a bit yesterday. I think I stretched it too much, went too deep, on my inversion bed. I have been walking almost every day...ran twice at the gym on a treadmill and while that felt fantastic overall the second time irritated my back a bit. My son tells me to swim and that is not a bad idea.
Oh, and there are other treatments like accupuncture and other alternative treatments. One thing I am glad about is it does not seem to be a disc...that is even harder to treat, often, than what I have. But this is about all I know; I will learn more as I go.
The emotional impact has been real. I am going to see the therapist I saw this week next week and if she works out I'll continue to see her for a while...I just have so much going on!
My three days working from home alone has gotten more annoying than ever. I am finding ways to cope but I hate it. And now that I am involved in campus governance and come down a third day...this would be less, but my back has caused me to miss some meetings because driving (for the first time in 2.5 years) has become an aggravating factor.
My wife and I do want to move closer and I'd love to do that this summer, even half the way closer, but with my son in his final year of high school next year, and even more, me considering commuting part time to seminary from near my job...this decision is very difficult. Buying a house halfway down he could still go to his high school, I'd be closer to work and so would my wife; but if I want to go to seminary in one or two years part time it is farther, harder to do, maybe impossible.
On that topic, will my back injury effect my discernment? It might, but I don't want to get that far ahead. Driving has only been an issue for a few weeks, about a month, actually less. This flare up may lessen and driving may be a non issue again. But still, why be that much farther from the seminary? I am overwhelmed, because the benefits of being closer are vast to me personally, emotionally, even, probably, economically. One more year up here, though, and we could move anyplace, including very close to my campus. That puts me closer to sailing and closer to the seminary...closer to work and all the good that entails.
Sighs. Only time will tell.
That is about all I have. I won't call this rant, I'll call it 'sharing.' If I can't do this on my blog, what can I do? I need direction or a good decision making process and right now feel short on both.
At least I have a good job which isn't going anyplace; I am not dying or in danger with my injury (a 34 year old friend of mine is dying of leukemia) and my spiritual life has strengthened since I entered discernment. I have a new therapist who might be okay with other names if I want to continue to shop. I am exercising again, even if it's just brisk walking up and down around my neighborhood for 40 or 50 mins. I have a loving family; this is priceless beyond measure. My wife and stepson have done more for me than anything ever.
Well, that's enough for now. I was so mountaintop when I was at the seminary just, what, five or six weeks ago? It feels like a lifetime. May God grant me my desire to one day go there one way or another. May he draw me closer to him. And, somehow, may my back get better.
Love to all, including me :)
The last two weeks, since my back injection, have felt like a year. For one, the initial lidocaine injection into the facet worked; I came around with no pain at all. That lasted for a few hours, and it wasn't until Sunday night, two days later, that the sharp pains returned. And then what a ride.
Because Monday was absolutely hell. It caught me so off guard. My pain must have quadrupled, and it was much more constant. I was so shaken up I forgot to take enough vicodin, hardly any. Then Tuesday it was the teeniest bit swollen and I laid on my back for several hours grading online papers; that caused about 3 hours of exquisite pain Tuesday night. Why am I so puritanical about taking Vicodin? I don't know, but if I ever have another injection I am sure as hell going to plan on spending a week on it.
Maybe all the stories my dad told me about how my grandfather got addicted; he lost his hand in some machinery and used to ask my dad to inject him with morphine or some other narcotic. Somehow, after some time, he simply kicked it by himself. I haven't thought about that in years. Obviously, taking a few vicodin is not the same as shooting fucking morphine.
Because the other thing was that I became a bit...stimulated, animated, as if I had a couple cups of coffee. I was just a little bit jittery, and more scared and emotional than normal. I'm not sure, but I was told the steroid can do that too. Who knows. I am feeling less jittery, less nervous, and sweating a lot less during sleep. All good, but all side effects I was not told about ahead of time.
The sad thing, truly, is that while the lidocaine worked and acted as a diagnostic tool the steroids did not. I don't think I received any relief from those meds. I called my "second opinion" ortho, the guy who suggested the facet block, and left a message with his assistant. She called me back but we haven't spoken yet. There are a couple things we could do that I know of:
1) since this injury was the result of trauma I want to know if we need to xray or mri or ct scan the actual facet to see what happened to it; that may not be the case, but that is my first question
2) a facet rhizotomy. this is where a needle is inserted and the two nerves in the actual facet joint are basically cooked using radiofrequency pulses...oddly, this only provides pain relief about 50 percent of the time, but the pain relief can be significant, even total, and can last as long as two years; typically, maybe a year, but then the procedure can be repeated. my concern with this, after my injection, is an increase in pain. that can happen I read and can last not a few days but a few weeks though it is unlikely to happen
3) there are less dramatic treatments, physical therapy mainly, working with the injury to minimize discomfort and to strengthen the muscles around the spine; this is the thing I'd like to talk about first...this injury has never completely gone away, but it has been essentially pain free or close, felt like a tightness in the area, for months at a time. if I could get back to that place I think I'd be alright with it and there is no surgery involved.
On my back, that's about it for now. It flared up a bit yesterday. I think I stretched it too much, went too deep, on my inversion bed. I have been walking almost every day...ran twice at the gym on a treadmill and while that felt fantastic overall the second time irritated my back a bit. My son tells me to swim and that is not a bad idea.
Oh, and there are other treatments like accupuncture and other alternative treatments. One thing I am glad about is it does not seem to be a disc...that is even harder to treat, often, than what I have. But this is about all I know; I will learn more as I go.
The emotional impact has been real. I am going to see the therapist I saw this week next week and if she works out I'll continue to see her for a while...I just have so much going on!
My three days working from home alone has gotten more annoying than ever. I am finding ways to cope but I hate it. And now that I am involved in campus governance and come down a third day...this would be less, but my back has caused me to miss some meetings because driving (for the first time in 2.5 years) has become an aggravating factor.
My wife and I do want to move closer and I'd love to do that this summer, even half the way closer, but with my son in his final year of high school next year, and even more, me considering commuting part time to seminary from near my job...this decision is very difficult. Buying a house halfway down he could still go to his high school, I'd be closer to work and so would my wife; but if I want to go to seminary in one or two years part time it is farther, harder to do, maybe impossible.
On that topic, will my back injury effect my discernment? It might, but I don't want to get that far ahead. Driving has only been an issue for a few weeks, about a month, actually less. This flare up may lessen and driving may be a non issue again. But still, why be that much farther from the seminary? I am overwhelmed, because the benefits of being closer are vast to me personally, emotionally, even, probably, economically. One more year up here, though, and we could move anyplace, including very close to my campus. That puts me closer to sailing and closer to the seminary...closer to work and all the good that entails.
Sighs. Only time will tell.
That is about all I have. I won't call this rant, I'll call it 'sharing.' If I can't do this on my blog, what can I do? I need direction or a good decision making process and right now feel short on both.
At least I have a good job which isn't going anyplace; I am not dying or in danger with my injury (a 34 year old friend of mine is dying of leukemia) and my spiritual life has strengthened since I entered discernment. I have a new therapist who might be okay with other names if I want to continue to shop. I am exercising again, even if it's just brisk walking up and down around my neighborhood for 40 or 50 mins. I have a loving family; this is priceless beyond measure. My wife and stepson have done more for me than anything ever.
Well, that's enough for now. I was so mountaintop when I was at the seminary just, what, five or six weeks ago? It feels like a lifetime. May God grant me my desire to one day go there one way or another. May he draw me closer to him. And, somehow, may my back get better.
Love to all, including me :)
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