Christianity (from the inside) 2.1
What the Gospel is Not (chapter two)
How did I end up turning my blog into a soapbox of this nature? Truthfully, I have no idea. These are ideas which have been turning around in my head the last few years, and I just want a place to put them. Scooter (and Dave) thanks for reading.
Earlier I said the gospel is not sex, nor sexual abstinence nor asceticism; I also think that applies to all kinds of ridiculous moral laws which do not stand up under the law of love. Christianity, above all things, is not a code of conduct. It's not about making us feel squeaky clean or pretend we are so. Does that mean God doesn't care what we do? Please. Both the ot and nt, and certainly Jesus, say otherwise.
I bring in this point because that was a central way I approached my religion before my conversion. I can remember having a good time with my discipler once; in Christianese that's a guy, in this case actually the college pastor, who met with me to help me understand my Christian life. I don't know what we talked about that day, but I know I felt close to him as a person, as an older and supportive adult male. Good for us. I went out to my motorcycle, tried to kickstart it, my foot slipped and I hit my ankle: 'damn!' I said. That was it. Damn. And right away I absolutely felt like whatever spiritual progress I had made was erased because of that one word.
Silly? Yes. Unusual? Probably. But try saying damn or shit from the pulpit sometime to stress an important point regarding love or faith (you'd be in great company: Luther at least). And why do Christian institutions focus on things like dancing, or swearing, or having even a small amount of alcohol, or masturbation (and I may be dated with this accusation)? Because they can focus on these things. They are easy to condemn. When the deeper conscience is neglected, and active charity abandoned. I didn't run for office of my Christian fraternity in college because all officers had to sign a form saying they wouldn't drink, dance, or use tobacco or alcohol. I really didn't do any of those things at the time (though I had a mean white-man's overbite, an 80's dance) but even then I thought the idea was ridiculous. I had more serious compulsions and knew it. Why not ask the officers to sign a form saying they will do one loving act a week? Or volunteer in the community with the underadvantaged? Or begin therapy to unravel their own destructive behaviors? Or even pray regularly? Back then, of course, I hadn't gotten that far.
Legalism is death. In Pilgrim's Progress when Moses is beating the snot out of Pilgrim/Christian (I can't remember when in the book this happens) with the tablets of the law...that's a beginning. Again, I include this because I lived it, felt it, bled it for years. It may have been part of the reason I left church: I just couldn't live up to it anymore.
My next point I hinted at this near the end of my previous post, and I know it's tricky, but here goes: the Christian Right scares me. How did such huge portions of the church get associated with the Republican party in America? Consdidering Christ's comments regarding the rich and poor, and the attitudes of the Acts church, how did capitalism, privatization, international aggression, even bigotry get connected to our faith?
I'm not saying all Republicans are greedy bigots. Nope. Plenty of Democrats aren't worth much either, and we're all sinners. But in my opinion the underlying policies of the Republican party betray a true lack of compassion and a desire to hoard resources and protect those who do. What's more important, wall street profits or universal health care for all Americans? How about treating non-violent drug offenders when possible before locking them up for mandatory minimums? (what was it Rush Limbaugh said after he got out of rehab: 'everyone should be able to go through an experience like this.') Ah.
I am not very politically savvy, and I imagine it is the abortion issue that puts so many Christians into the right, that and gay marriage/rights. We assume the fetus has a soul because we assume Platonic (and perhaps Pauline) duality, and then we assume the soul inhabits the fetus at conception. Fair enough perhaps. There are verses which seem to clearly speak out against homosexuality (though nothing direct from Jesus in my opinion) yet I for one support civil rights for gays. But those things aside (and some I know can't put them aside, and I won't judge that), look at the rest of the Republican party values.
I can't argue this at length, except to say that Jesus held the poor in high esteem (though below himself, of course) and spoke dimly of the rich; he valued the hated foreigner; his gospel was not 'every man for himself' and 'big business above labor rights.' It wasn't. In Acts the apostles divided their property, and the property of those who were in the church. Right wing is Fright wing to me, especially these days.
I bring the politics up (and I'm really very poor on this topic) because I think many people associate Republican politics with godly living. I certainly did. I joined the R party in college; wanted to be a young Republican; thought liberal was a perjorative term. Then eventually I learned to hope for compassion at home and abroad. Can you be a Christian and a Republican? Sure. But you can also be a Democrat, or a Green, or any other political party I know in America.
Finally, and this one comes very close to home for me: the Gospel is not a gifted individual leader, nor is it the awesome rush we feel when sitting under a great speaker. Why would I even say that? Because the modern church is built around teaching, especially the evangelicals, though also the liturgicals. Teaching was not always emphasized as it is, but it's that way now. The message may be 15 minutes or an hour or more. But it's there. Nothing is wrong with this. Exegesis, spiritual contemplation on the intellectual level, life application, all this can help those present (and the presenter too). But believers who lack faith and spiritual strength, like myself, find it all too easy to look up to a charismatic (in the general term) gifted, articulate leader and think: oh, man, this must be a very spiritual person. Whatever he says or does...I'm in awe. And the pastor/priest/teacher/leader becomes a substitute for Christ; perhaps more directly, the pleasure, even the entertainment, of hearing a gifted speaker takes the place of personal faith development. And the churches grow in numbers, but what about the spiritual depth of the individual? This the listener must initiate.
I'm not saying gifted teachers and good personal skills have no place in church leadership. The priest at the first Episcopal church my wife and I attended was very loving and outgoing, and it made a difference. He helped me begin to feel God's love. But I have raised many a person on a pedestal over the years, many, probably more than most Christians because I didn't have a genuine faith or a present or affectionate human father. I needed someone to fill that painful void. And I have been disappointed.
I was let down in small ways, and in a couple cases, about as much as it is humanly possible to be let down by Christian professionals outside my church. Just because a person is a dynamic speaker or leader (or for that matter therapist, what is whispered shall be shouted) doesn't mean he or she has correct values. And even if he or she really is trying, and I suppose most are, that faith is not my faith. Listening to someone exposit well is not necessarily the same thing as worshipping God, though it can be part of it. A certain transference takes place when we watch any great communicator in an authority position, and transference is by its nature passive: it seeks completion in the object.
And teaching really is just a gift or trait, like green eyes or size 9 feet or mathematic intelligence. Should I worship the sunset or the maker of the sun? It's no different. I have reverenced the articulate teacher (and I've known one or two who were truly amazing) but I should have reverenced the God who gave the person that gift; meditated on the message and not the messenger (and the individuals I have in mind would have agreed with me, I think). People fail, they make errors, they hold prejudiced attitudes. And we all experience rage, lust, envy, jealousy, avarice, fear, pride. Oh yeah. I remember when I was a single Christian; how easy it was for well-meaning girls to mistake ministry gifts for godliness, all the way to the altar. I had some of those gifts; and you know my story. I'm writing here as much for me as you, probably more for me if I'm truthful.
To wrap up, I believe I have covered most of the mistakes I can remember: intellectual arrogance, self-judgement, lust confusion, legalism, rigid politics, pastor-worship, worship of the self, fear of drawing close to or trusting God. My. It really is amazing I'm even sitting here writing. Halfway to the Resurrection itself.
I will shift a bit and close on this note: those of you who pray please pray a little for me. Above all for my relationship with my wife (going on four years now) which is never easy for me and in which I am often a dolt (though a growing and committed dolt, I hope); for my relationship with my (step)son, and for stronger friendships up here in the mountains. Just because I love language doesn't mean the rest of my life is book-smooth. In fact, like most bookies, I struggle with intimacy, and my life experiences have made that struggle a rigorous lifetime process. I know this puts me in a pretty large club, but I have a wonderful wife and she deserves my very best; a wonderful stepson who deserves even more. And pray for me also that my relationship with Christ grows, beyond intellect, beyond fear, beyond duty...toward faith, hope, love.
Peace to all in Christ
Troy
How did I end up turning my blog into a soapbox of this nature? Truthfully, I have no idea. These are ideas which have been turning around in my head the last few years, and I just want a place to put them. Scooter (and Dave) thanks for reading.
Earlier I said the gospel is not sex, nor sexual abstinence nor asceticism; I also think that applies to all kinds of ridiculous moral laws which do not stand up under the law of love. Christianity, above all things, is not a code of conduct. It's not about making us feel squeaky clean or pretend we are so. Does that mean God doesn't care what we do? Please. Both the ot and nt, and certainly Jesus, say otherwise.
I bring in this point because that was a central way I approached my religion before my conversion. I can remember having a good time with my discipler once; in Christianese that's a guy, in this case actually the college pastor, who met with me to help me understand my Christian life. I don't know what we talked about that day, but I know I felt close to him as a person, as an older and supportive adult male. Good for us. I went out to my motorcycle, tried to kickstart it, my foot slipped and I hit my ankle: 'damn!' I said. That was it. Damn. And right away I absolutely felt like whatever spiritual progress I had made was erased because of that one word.
Silly? Yes. Unusual? Probably. But try saying damn or shit from the pulpit sometime to stress an important point regarding love or faith (you'd be in great company: Luther at least). And why do Christian institutions focus on things like dancing, or swearing, or having even a small amount of alcohol, or masturbation (and I may be dated with this accusation)? Because they can focus on these things. They are easy to condemn. When the deeper conscience is neglected, and active charity abandoned. I didn't run for office of my Christian fraternity in college because all officers had to sign a form saying they wouldn't drink, dance, or use tobacco or alcohol. I really didn't do any of those things at the time (though I had a mean white-man's overbite, an 80's dance) but even then I thought the idea was ridiculous. I had more serious compulsions and knew it. Why not ask the officers to sign a form saying they will do one loving act a week? Or volunteer in the community with the underadvantaged? Or begin therapy to unravel their own destructive behaviors? Or even pray regularly? Back then, of course, I hadn't gotten that far.
Legalism is death. In Pilgrim's Progress when Moses is beating the snot out of Pilgrim/Christian (I can't remember when in the book this happens) with the tablets of the law...that's a beginning. Again, I include this because I lived it, felt it, bled it for years. It may have been part of the reason I left church: I just couldn't live up to it anymore.
My next point I hinted at this near the end of my previous post, and I know it's tricky, but here goes: the Christian Right scares me. How did such huge portions of the church get associated with the Republican party in America? Consdidering Christ's comments regarding the rich and poor, and the attitudes of the Acts church, how did capitalism, privatization, international aggression, even bigotry get connected to our faith?
I'm not saying all Republicans are greedy bigots. Nope. Plenty of Democrats aren't worth much either, and we're all sinners. But in my opinion the underlying policies of the Republican party betray a true lack of compassion and a desire to hoard resources and protect those who do. What's more important, wall street profits or universal health care for all Americans? How about treating non-violent drug offenders when possible before locking them up for mandatory minimums? (what was it Rush Limbaugh said after he got out of rehab: 'everyone should be able to go through an experience like this.') Ah.
I am not very politically savvy, and I imagine it is the abortion issue that puts so many Christians into the right, that and gay marriage/rights. We assume the fetus has a soul because we assume Platonic (and perhaps Pauline) duality, and then we assume the soul inhabits the fetus at conception. Fair enough perhaps. There are verses which seem to clearly speak out against homosexuality (though nothing direct from Jesus in my opinion) yet I for one support civil rights for gays. But those things aside (and some I know can't put them aside, and I won't judge that), look at the rest of the Republican party values.
I can't argue this at length, except to say that Jesus held the poor in high esteem (though below himself, of course) and spoke dimly of the rich; he valued the hated foreigner; his gospel was not 'every man for himself' and 'big business above labor rights.' It wasn't. In Acts the apostles divided their property, and the property of those who were in the church. Right wing is Fright wing to me, especially these days.
I bring the politics up (and I'm really very poor on this topic) because I think many people associate Republican politics with godly living. I certainly did. I joined the R party in college; wanted to be a young Republican; thought liberal was a perjorative term. Then eventually I learned to hope for compassion at home and abroad. Can you be a Christian and a Republican? Sure. But you can also be a Democrat, or a Green, or any other political party I know in America.
Finally, and this one comes very close to home for me: the Gospel is not a gifted individual leader, nor is it the awesome rush we feel when sitting under a great speaker. Why would I even say that? Because the modern church is built around teaching, especially the evangelicals, though also the liturgicals. Teaching was not always emphasized as it is, but it's that way now. The message may be 15 minutes or an hour or more. But it's there. Nothing is wrong with this. Exegesis, spiritual contemplation on the intellectual level, life application, all this can help those present (and the presenter too). But believers who lack faith and spiritual strength, like myself, find it all too easy to look up to a charismatic (in the general term) gifted, articulate leader and think: oh, man, this must be a very spiritual person. Whatever he says or does...I'm in awe. And the pastor/priest/teacher/leader becomes a substitute for Christ; perhaps more directly, the pleasure, even the entertainment, of hearing a gifted speaker takes the place of personal faith development. And the churches grow in numbers, but what about the spiritual depth of the individual? This the listener must initiate.
I'm not saying gifted teachers and good personal skills have no place in church leadership. The priest at the first Episcopal church my wife and I attended was very loving and outgoing, and it made a difference. He helped me begin to feel God's love. But I have raised many a person on a pedestal over the years, many, probably more than most Christians because I didn't have a genuine faith or a present or affectionate human father. I needed someone to fill that painful void. And I have been disappointed.
I was let down in small ways, and in a couple cases, about as much as it is humanly possible to be let down by Christian professionals outside my church. Just because a person is a dynamic speaker or leader (or for that matter therapist, what is whispered shall be shouted) doesn't mean he or she has correct values. And even if he or she really is trying, and I suppose most are, that faith is not my faith. Listening to someone exposit well is not necessarily the same thing as worshipping God, though it can be part of it. A certain transference takes place when we watch any great communicator in an authority position, and transference is by its nature passive: it seeks completion in the object.
And teaching really is just a gift or trait, like green eyes or size 9 feet or mathematic intelligence. Should I worship the sunset or the maker of the sun? It's no different. I have reverenced the articulate teacher (and I've known one or two who were truly amazing) but I should have reverenced the God who gave the person that gift; meditated on the message and not the messenger (and the individuals I have in mind would have agreed with me, I think). People fail, they make errors, they hold prejudiced attitudes. And we all experience rage, lust, envy, jealousy, avarice, fear, pride. Oh yeah. I remember when I was a single Christian; how easy it was for well-meaning girls to mistake ministry gifts for godliness, all the way to the altar. I had some of those gifts; and you know my story. I'm writing here as much for me as you, probably more for me if I'm truthful.
To wrap up, I believe I have covered most of the mistakes I can remember: intellectual arrogance, self-judgement, lust confusion, legalism, rigid politics, pastor-worship, worship of the self, fear of drawing close to or trusting God. My. It really is amazing I'm even sitting here writing. Halfway to the Resurrection itself.
I will shift a bit and close on this note: those of you who pray please pray a little for me. Above all for my relationship with my wife (going on four years now) which is never easy for me and in which I am often a dolt (though a growing and committed dolt, I hope); for my relationship with my (step)son, and for stronger friendships up here in the mountains. Just because I love language doesn't mean the rest of my life is book-smooth. In fact, like most bookies, I struggle with intimacy, and my life experiences have made that struggle a rigorous lifetime process. I know this puts me in a pretty large club, but I have a wonderful wife and she deserves my very best; a wonderful stepson who deserves even more. And pray for me also that my relationship with Christ grows, beyond intellect, beyond fear, beyond duty...toward faith, hope, love.
Peace to all in Christ
Troy
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