Christianity (from the outside) 1.0
Looking back over my last post, I have to say: it is possible I was a Christian earlier, in my churched days. But I surely didn't understand the historical personality of Jesus. Whether I was brought into the faith for the first time in 2000 or brought back in, only God knows. I still believe the former.
But since that time, I have continued to question. Perhaps my doubt is just another symptom of my obsessive self. Perhaps I still fear drawing close to God on an emotional level. Perhaps I'm afraid, after my life experiences, of being let down one more time? The biggest let down of all: you know the universe, which you thought was managed by a loving creator who sent his Son to die for your flaws? well, guess what, it really is an absurd and accidental whirl of gas and matter. Like that.
But whether my need to examine my faith is a weakness or a strength, I continue to look at Christianity 'from the outside.' The way a non-believer, or better, an objective (I hope) observer would. I've been teaching college composition for ten years (my title, 'Professor,' is genuine but really just psychic candy; I teach writing, and the only research I do is for personal interest). Working in that environment, and encouraging students to write about their faiths, I've seen many different belief systems, honestly held and sometimes well defended. I've met Mormons with great 'testimonies,' and Buddhists, and Hindus, and Native Americans who still worship the old ways. I teach comparative myth also (an introduction, of course) and I've read sacred texts from many cultures. The Gita, the Torah (which while in the Christian bible, really isn't very Christian) the Book of Mormon, oh the list goes on. The Nummo. The Mayan Queztacoatl (however you spell it). The Raven myths of the northwest (and also their gorgeous art). I know enough to know that billions in the past and present will live and die without hearing the gospel as we know it. What of those people? And what makes my faith any better than any other?
Ah, deep questions young Jedi.
Yeah, no kidding. I realize Christianity isn't about having all the answers (and I think, was it Barth, I haven't read it, who says some faith will always be required; I believe it: look at those in the gospels who encountered Christ directly and still didn't believe). Christianity is about placing faith in Christ, in believing he was who he said he was, whether one even understands that completely. In knowing that he died for me and that he has prepared a place for me, whatever that means also.
But is that a reason to stop questioning? Again, it is more likely a weakness than a strength that I continue to step 'outside' my faith and look in; Jesus was most impressed by those who simply believed. But fair enough; let my weakness help those who also share it, perhaps. And really, what if I were Mormon? And didn't have the strength to look at that historical record, recent as it is? I don't want to be like that. Pascal's wager is weak; bring me faith and reason, if possible, even if it betrays my own frailty.
So back to the question, or questions. I think responding to just one in this blog will be enough. I'm doing this as much for myself as anyone else who might read (scooter, my audience at home of one) so here goes:
I like to believe that Christ, when he judges each individual, will judge correctly. That we'll each get weighed on what we knew and didn't know. And did and didn't do. I do believe that. The gospels teach it. We will be rewarded or punished accordingly for deeds done in the body. To me that means that next to faith, there really is love. If someone has not heard of Christ but follows his local religion piously, if she makes loving gestures towards her neighbor at certain times in her life, does that means the Holy Spirit is not at work? If a man prays to Krishna because that is the only name for God he knows, does God not hear that man? Does he write him off as a faithless infidel? There will be many, and the gospels also say so, who cry Lord, Lord, who will be shoved out of God's presence. Plenty will see God who have heard the Jesus story, but they will not be in the Lamb's book. What of those who have asked for divine help who have never heard of Jesus, or who, perhaps, have heard a distorted version?
I have to say there really is no answer to these questions available to humans. Oh, I know, some will whip out verses to show me why all these others are going to hell. But be careful. The Pharisees knew the scripture verbatim, better than anyone I've ever met in a Christian church, and they missed the Spirit behind the letter. Remember my 'born again verse:' you search the scriptures for salvation, but the scriptures point to me. (I really do need to look that up).
I could of course be wrong. It may be that only those who have heard the gospel story and responded positively with faith in Christ will be saved. I hope that's not the case. But only God knows. And even then, I have to believe Jesus will make a just judgement at the end of all things. C.S. Lewis, the great Christian drinker and smoker (sorry, I love the old boy) drew on Owen Barfield and others when he said that just because one religion is right doesn't mean all the others are wrong. Who are we to say so?
Now, does that mean I don't share the fact that the gospels contain things found in no other religion; that I believe Jesus to be a genuine god-man? No. I admit I haven't figured out much of this. I do tell my students I'm a Christian, usually later in the term, if they ask. But if they're Hindu, what else do I do? Tell them to keep looking spiritually? Yes. Maybe I'm weak on this because the student teacher relationship is special. I'm there to teach not convert. Even that I'm not sure about.
I do think, as Christians, we need to remember our own ignorance. I've seen people argue over sub and post lapsarianism; you know, when did God decree who will be saved and damned (for those who hold such a view). How insane. How in the hell am I to know what God did? And to use the Bible like a code book: well, this verse here, if read this way, seems to indicate that my view is correct. Yeah, okay.
The central gospel message is clear. Beyond that....well, I confess I hold a low view of scripture (ah, I can feel some listeners tuning out). Low meaning I think the Bible contains the Word of God, but was not verbally dictated by God; it contains human opinion and error and Jewish mythology. I'm no inerrantist; there are moral problems in proverbs and ot law and even the nt epistles. I'm a Christian, not a Paulian. And I don't hold this view, which I confess up front, out of a twisted love for heterodoxy. I hold it either because I am ignorant and stubborn and incorrect, which is quite possible, or as I like to believe, because the scriptues as we have them do not support divine authorship in every word and verse; verbal plenary inspiration that is called. Lewis, actually, helped me with this in Reflections on the Psalms. His chapter on Scripture there I have found to be the most intelligent I have seen. But I am drifting.
Maybe I didn't go too 'outside' on this post, but I will. I have lots of things I want to work out, and this blog seems as good a place as any. And hey, summer is coming, and what else will I do?
Peace to all,
Troy
But since that time, I have continued to question. Perhaps my doubt is just another symptom of my obsessive self. Perhaps I still fear drawing close to God on an emotional level. Perhaps I'm afraid, after my life experiences, of being let down one more time? The biggest let down of all: you know the universe, which you thought was managed by a loving creator who sent his Son to die for your flaws? well, guess what, it really is an absurd and accidental whirl of gas and matter. Like that.
But whether my need to examine my faith is a weakness or a strength, I continue to look at Christianity 'from the outside.' The way a non-believer, or better, an objective (I hope) observer would. I've been teaching college composition for ten years (my title, 'Professor,' is genuine but really just psychic candy; I teach writing, and the only research I do is for personal interest). Working in that environment, and encouraging students to write about their faiths, I've seen many different belief systems, honestly held and sometimes well defended. I've met Mormons with great 'testimonies,' and Buddhists, and Hindus, and Native Americans who still worship the old ways. I teach comparative myth also (an introduction, of course) and I've read sacred texts from many cultures. The Gita, the Torah (which while in the Christian bible, really isn't very Christian) the Book of Mormon, oh the list goes on. The Nummo. The Mayan Queztacoatl (however you spell it). The Raven myths of the northwest (and also their gorgeous art). I know enough to know that billions in the past and present will live and die without hearing the gospel as we know it. What of those people? And what makes my faith any better than any other?
Ah, deep questions young Jedi.
Yeah, no kidding. I realize Christianity isn't about having all the answers (and I think, was it Barth, I haven't read it, who says some faith will always be required; I believe it: look at those in the gospels who encountered Christ directly and still didn't believe). Christianity is about placing faith in Christ, in believing he was who he said he was, whether one even understands that completely. In knowing that he died for me and that he has prepared a place for me, whatever that means also.
But is that a reason to stop questioning? Again, it is more likely a weakness than a strength that I continue to step 'outside' my faith and look in; Jesus was most impressed by those who simply believed. But fair enough; let my weakness help those who also share it, perhaps. And really, what if I were Mormon? And didn't have the strength to look at that historical record, recent as it is? I don't want to be like that. Pascal's wager is weak; bring me faith and reason, if possible, even if it betrays my own frailty.
So back to the question, or questions. I think responding to just one in this blog will be enough. I'm doing this as much for myself as anyone else who might read (scooter, my audience at home of one) so here goes:
I like to believe that Christ, when he judges each individual, will judge correctly. That we'll each get weighed on what we knew and didn't know. And did and didn't do. I do believe that. The gospels teach it. We will be rewarded or punished accordingly for deeds done in the body. To me that means that next to faith, there really is love. If someone has not heard of Christ but follows his local religion piously, if she makes loving gestures towards her neighbor at certain times in her life, does that means the Holy Spirit is not at work? If a man prays to Krishna because that is the only name for God he knows, does God not hear that man? Does he write him off as a faithless infidel? There will be many, and the gospels also say so, who cry Lord, Lord, who will be shoved out of God's presence. Plenty will see God who have heard the Jesus story, but they will not be in the Lamb's book. What of those who have asked for divine help who have never heard of Jesus, or who, perhaps, have heard a distorted version?
I have to say there really is no answer to these questions available to humans. Oh, I know, some will whip out verses to show me why all these others are going to hell. But be careful. The Pharisees knew the scripture verbatim, better than anyone I've ever met in a Christian church, and they missed the Spirit behind the letter. Remember my 'born again verse:' you search the scriptures for salvation, but the scriptures point to me. (I really do need to look that up).
I could of course be wrong. It may be that only those who have heard the gospel story and responded positively with faith in Christ will be saved. I hope that's not the case. But only God knows. And even then, I have to believe Jesus will make a just judgement at the end of all things. C.S. Lewis, the great Christian drinker and smoker (sorry, I love the old boy) drew on Owen Barfield and others when he said that just because one religion is right doesn't mean all the others are wrong. Who are we to say so?
Now, does that mean I don't share the fact that the gospels contain things found in no other religion; that I believe Jesus to be a genuine god-man? No. I admit I haven't figured out much of this. I do tell my students I'm a Christian, usually later in the term, if they ask. But if they're Hindu, what else do I do? Tell them to keep looking spiritually? Yes. Maybe I'm weak on this because the student teacher relationship is special. I'm there to teach not convert. Even that I'm not sure about.
I do think, as Christians, we need to remember our own ignorance. I've seen people argue over sub and post lapsarianism; you know, when did God decree who will be saved and damned (for those who hold such a view). How insane. How in the hell am I to know what God did? And to use the Bible like a code book: well, this verse here, if read this way, seems to indicate that my view is correct. Yeah, okay.
The central gospel message is clear. Beyond that....well, I confess I hold a low view of scripture (ah, I can feel some listeners tuning out). Low meaning I think the Bible contains the Word of God, but was not verbally dictated by God; it contains human opinion and error and Jewish mythology. I'm no inerrantist; there are moral problems in proverbs and ot law and even the nt epistles. I'm a Christian, not a Paulian. And I don't hold this view, which I confess up front, out of a twisted love for heterodoxy. I hold it either because I am ignorant and stubborn and incorrect, which is quite possible, or as I like to believe, because the scriptues as we have them do not support divine authorship in every word and verse; verbal plenary inspiration that is called. Lewis, actually, helped me with this in Reflections on the Psalms. His chapter on Scripture there I have found to be the most intelligent I have seen. But I am drifting.
Maybe I didn't go too 'outside' on this post, but I will. I have lots of things I want to work out, and this blog seems as good a place as any. And hey, summer is coming, and what else will I do?
Peace to all,
Troy
Comments
Fascinating and challenging, and one of the most eloquent descriptions of (and defense of) Christian faith. You need to be published.
dude, you crack me up. that little trash can icon, what could that be for? I love you man. and thanks for the positives, though I think they are undeserved. all I'm doing is telling my story. but many thanks.
t
actually, it's hard to say. I've been going at it pretty hard but I didn't weigh myself before I began or take a 'before' picture. I'm guessing between seven and ten pounds? I weigh 205 and my pants still fit, though, as I say in today's post, I'm trying to cut a bit. For a along time, years, I weighed 195 at this pant size.
Body for Life has helped a ton of people. I do my twenty minutes post weights on his recommendation. I'm not really doing meal replacements, though I keep som tri-oplex bars in my car. I just mix my own: bought some whey/casein protein, some maltodextrin, some bcaa's and even some glutamine and recently, creatine (yes, my wife has been patient, also I've stocked up over several months.) And most of all I'm trying to eat whole foods: cottage cheese, milk, stuff like that. But no doubt, those shakes help.
Iron Online is a friendly board, and much less intense than most bb boards online. And Dave is simply a great writer, inspiring, funny, intense all at the same time. He preaches in a way, steel sermons (in addition to being a Christian, which he keeps on the d.l. most of the time).
I also learned a lot at bodybuilding.com, especially from Big Cat. His I.C.E. series is pretty thorough when it comes to learning the exercises.
Anyway, best of luck man. Your story, your weight loss, is very impressive, truly. Lift and eat! The more intense the weight training, the better.
t