Another Quick Post
How long do I have? Minutes, really.
Just a note to say I'm okay. The hell passes, without doubt it passes, and I'm handling what's left in its wake pretty well. S and I have connected at an even deeper level, and while nothing is perfect (this keeps puzzling puzzling puzzling me) what did Frost say, something like 'earth's the place for love, I don't know where it's likely to go better.'
Only there's more. Frankly, I think God is changing me from the inside out. Why now? This I can't answer. It seems that the more I try to work in the church or grow spiritually as an individual, the more weak areas in my life go into spins, and then, amazingly, when I ask for help I get it.
Does this negate my therapy, years in recovery? No. But even a skeptic like me, who doubts every internal impression, knows my mind's superstitious tendency to find connections where they don't exist...frankly, even I feel a certain awe.
And right now, I'm feeling pretty darned good. I'm actually going sailing on the Bay Tuesday, spending tomorrow night on the boat. Without S, which blows, but once I get my license I can have more control over my trips and who is on them.
Whatever, S and I said things to each other this week, I said things at least, I had been afraid to say but needed to say for, oh, years. And they got said and the sierra sky didn't fall and in fact my wife has a new respect for me. We are changing together and for the better. I believe God is at work, or so I surely hope.
My job, well, it's another story maybe, but at least I'm aware that there is a great deal of difference between conducting a good class, maybe a fair class under the circumstances, and a perfect class. And that my job is to make learning possible, not beat knowledge into the mind of every weak-willed Freshman I have on my roll. I have some great students, don't get me wrong. I'm working with low level basic grammar students for the first time in years and frankly they are awesome; I like them very much. But yeah, this will be a semester with some casulaties, better, some imperfections on my part. God help me to accept my own limitations. This is very hard, but it will have to be.
EFM starts Wednesday. Hope I have time to pay attention in that class. And I hope it speaks to my wife also. And that my son manages is okay staying home alone from the time he gets home until 10:30 at freaking night because that's the only way I know how to handle Wednesday nights with both of us in the class. This is a cause of great concern for me, though we have friends just a mile away, another family down the street, and he's 13. Still, it makes me sick at heart and I don't know if it's right; he feels better about it than hanging around the church by himself doing nothing, and of course we all have cell phones and would be in touch with him more than once during the evening. Do I feel better? Not really.
I have to run, my friends. Your love here is sweet water and I know it every day of my life.
Peace in Christ and in God's love,
Troy
Just a note to say I'm okay. The hell passes, without doubt it passes, and I'm handling what's left in its wake pretty well. S and I have connected at an even deeper level, and while nothing is perfect (this keeps puzzling puzzling puzzling me) what did Frost say, something like 'earth's the place for love, I don't know where it's likely to go better.'
Only there's more. Frankly, I think God is changing me from the inside out. Why now? This I can't answer. It seems that the more I try to work in the church or grow spiritually as an individual, the more weak areas in my life go into spins, and then, amazingly, when I ask for help I get it.
Does this negate my therapy, years in recovery? No. But even a skeptic like me, who doubts every internal impression, knows my mind's superstitious tendency to find connections where they don't exist...frankly, even I feel a certain awe.
And right now, I'm feeling pretty darned good. I'm actually going sailing on the Bay Tuesday, spending tomorrow night on the boat. Without S, which blows, but once I get my license I can have more control over my trips and who is on them.
Whatever, S and I said things to each other this week, I said things at least, I had been afraid to say but needed to say for, oh, years. And they got said and the sierra sky didn't fall and in fact my wife has a new respect for me. We are changing together and for the better. I believe God is at work, or so I surely hope.
My job, well, it's another story maybe, but at least I'm aware that there is a great deal of difference between conducting a good class, maybe a fair class under the circumstances, and a perfect class. And that my job is to make learning possible, not beat knowledge into the mind of every weak-willed Freshman I have on my roll. I have some great students, don't get me wrong. I'm working with low level basic grammar students for the first time in years and frankly they are awesome; I like them very much. But yeah, this will be a semester with some casulaties, better, some imperfections on my part. God help me to accept my own limitations. This is very hard, but it will have to be.
EFM starts Wednesday. Hope I have time to pay attention in that class. And I hope it speaks to my wife also. And that my son manages is okay staying home alone from the time he gets home until 10:30 at freaking night because that's the only way I know how to handle Wednesday nights with both of us in the class. This is a cause of great concern for me, though we have friends just a mile away, another family down the street, and he's 13. Still, it makes me sick at heart and I don't know if it's right; he feels better about it than hanging around the church by himself doing nothing, and of course we all have cell phones and would be in touch with him more than once during the evening. Do I feel better? Not really.
I have to run, my friends. Your love here is sweet water and I know it every day of my life.
Peace in Christ and in God's love,
Troy
Comments
Always great to hear your voice. Peace, brother.