On Holy Ground
It all began with one member of our group telling a run-over dog story.
He arrived to EFM visibly upset, though he said he was over the worst of it. B is an intense and bright man, wonderful at heart, who converted to Catholicism about a decade ago and then moved to the Episcopal church when he and his wife semi-retired from the Bay area to Sierra foothill country. I like B. He has a long resume as a recreational sailor and even a racer. What I saw that night was a heart-depth his strong will and mind had hidden.
He was coming home from his twice a week trip to the Bay and when he pulled into the driveway of their ranch home he saw his wife screaming in horror from the front porch. It turns out the front wheel of his SUV had run over their dog, was in fact on his dog, wheel on belly, as he stopped moving to try and figure his wife out. When he realized what had happened, he had to roll back off the dog. This would be traumatic for anyone; for some, it's almost the same as running over a child. B is one of those.
He went into hysterics, and it was his wife who thought to wrap the dog in a blanket and call the vet. All B remembers before they got the dog in the blanket is the dog pulling herself towards him using only her front legs, her back legs and belly dragging on the ground. They put the dog in the back of the SUV, still, wrapped in the blanket like a sling, and his wife drove to the doggie hospital while B lay in the back holding his dog. He said he prayed as he has never prayed, prayed that his dog would live, would be healed, would be okay.
The first vet only stabilized the animal for shock and then sent them to a true animal emergency room. There they dropped the dog off, left it overnight for treatment and observation, and went home to sleep. The next day when he visited the dog it came out, walking on all fours, wagging its tail. Sore, but the x-rays showed no internal injury. Bruising, but no broken bones or damaged organs.
That is a fascinating and moving story. I don't know if it was an answer to prayer, a miraculous healing, because the trauma to the dog was so sudden and I know other run-over dog stories where the dog survived without serious injury; of course, some dogs die. But his account began the group talking, or maybe something else did, and we all shared experiences we had in our Christian lives that we couldn't explain, beginning with me.
I've told my story before but it's worth telling again. Steph and I were at church a couple years ago and a young man and his family came to the service for prayer. I had never seen the boy and I haven't seen him since. He was wearing a military uniform and was shipping out to Iraq. When the deacon asked if anyone wanted to come forward to pray, Steph stood up next to me and I thought, well, I better get up too. I hate the war and certainly felt moved by what I was witnessing, was willing to pray, but mostly I was caught off guard.
We walked up to the front of the little church, the same place I walk and stand when I usher two or three times a month. A group laid hands on the young man and I put my had on someone's shoulder in front of me.
It was then that I felt it. I cannot assure the reader it was supernatural, but I have considered every other possibility and can say I have never had another experience like it before or since: I felt a weight on my shoulders, a heat and a weight, more heat than anything perhaps. As if someone was right behind me, hunched a fraction of an inch from my skin. I almost shrugged my shoulders to see what if anything was touching me. It was quite physical. We prayed for a minute or less, and I continued to feel the heat and weight, like a mantle or blanket. I don't know exactly when this ended, but I do know when we stopped praying (that may have been when it went away) I looked behind me and Steph and I were on the outside of the circle. I believe not even a person standing right behind me could have caused that sensation unless they had both arms spread and were actually so close I could feel their skin heat through my own clothes. It was something I didn't tell anyone about for along time, in fact, I told no one except my blog until that night at EFM.
Next came my friend S. S has been in our parish for more than fifty years, sixty maybe; I believe she was baptized there. As a historical Episcopal parish, we're pretty conservative when it comes to the day to day miraculous and S is no exception. But she told a story from ten or fifteen years ago, when the parish was having prayer for healing services (this service was gone since I came five years ago). When she went to the altar rail for communion she looked at the woman next to her and S swears there was a light coming down and shining, illuminating, this woman as she prayed. S says that the she knew the woman from a yoga class and knew she desperately needed prayer, but she never saw her after the prayer service and never found out what happened to her problem (whatever it was; S didn't say).
Of course my skeptical gear kicked in and I asked if there was light outside (no, night service) if any light from inside the building was shining on her, but S has been in this parish since before it had air conditioning and my question really was foolish. She is quite sure there was no naturalistic explanation. Just a light coming down from above onto this woman.
Then C spoke. He said that at his confirmation he felt the distinct presence of the Other, but my skeptical nature is so strong I can't confirm that this was supernatural in origin, nor am I stupid enough to deny that it was. However, he had one other experience. C has been Episcopal most of his life and very involved in the church for decades. Once some years ago at Christian retreat he said that while he was watching a woman speak to the group he saw her glow. I of course wanted to know every detail I could, but he felt he saw her 'shekinah,' that she began glowing when she began speaking and that she stopped glowing when she stopped speaking. I believe this took place during a time when silence was imposed and so he only asked her about it later. The speaker herself hadn't noticed the light. C is from a business background, also Episcopalian, also skeptical. I asked him a number of searching questions, but he is quite sure he saw what he saw.
What is to be made of all this? Why don't Christians see miracles every day? I don't know, though I do know that Jesus looked down on those who, after he fed the multitude, sought him out just because of the miracle. What he wanted was spiritual, not physical, hunger. Paul complains that 'the Jews demand signs and the Greeks wisdom.' He felt the crucifixion and resurrection message itself should be enough. Apparently he also saw a light so bright it blinded him, according to Luke at least.
What struck me about these accounts, including my own, is that none of us were in any particularly agitated or expectant state; the miracles we experienced were not the kinds of things we see happening often, or at all, in the NT. There was at least one other share where D felt that at his first confirmation he perceived 'an energy' between himself and the altar and that a woman in the choir also felt something and wrote him a letter about it. But the three I told here in detail (not in any way to detract from B or D's accounts) are the ones that struck me most as empirical experiences at the time.
Do other religions have these same moments? I don't actually know. Others must have miracles in their literature or described from their services, but I only imagine. Obvious myth doesn't count; I'm talking about concrete experiences witnessed first-hand. I remember one story about a 14 year old girl that Joseph Smith insisted marry him against her initial will; she saw a bright light the night after he confronted her and she felt convinced she should go ahead and marry Smith after her vision, but this is told more than second hand and obviously the circumstances make it impossible to attribute to Christ. Just because God wasn't involved in that event (if it actually happened) in my view doesn't mean he isn't involved in other places. Her story does not mean my own experience was purely psychosomatic or imagined.
And that's why I labeled this On Holy Ground. I'm not talking about outcomes which might be chance, or inner urgings or hunches, or a belief that God orders the events in the human universe (I have a very hard time believing he does on the day to day scale) and that this or that was 'God's will.' These experiences, drawn from decades of combined spiritual living, stick out to me in my doubt as something I can't easily dismiss. I wish I could say they've solved all my doubt issues, but not yet at least. Still, I haven't forgotten what I experienced and what I heard.
***
Been doing a little posting here. It's quite possible I misunderstood Brad's post on therapy, but I remain convinced: the church should embrace every tool to help the suffering that it can, including the technology that comes out of therapy. That therapy is not enough in itself seems obvious to me after having done so much; certainly it's possible to have every therapeutic tool and no ethic, no genuine love. Christian ethics have to surround every piece of the process, and I've seen that happen even with non-Christian therapists! But no doubt, the texts we call the Bible do not possess everything we need to live life effectively. Psychotherapeutic method and process is one of those things that while informed or shaped by Jesus' vision, isn't included in the books we have.
***
This is more than I have time for. Papers to grade and a novel to read by Monday night for my Sci. Fi. class (Stoker's Dracula, my first time). Be well all. Hope to be back sooner rather than later.
He arrived to EFM visibly upset, though he said he was over the worst of it. B is an intense and bright man, wonderful at heart, who converted to Catholicism about a decade ago and then moved to the Episcopal church when he and his wife semi-retired from the Bay area to Sierra foothill country. I like B. He has a long resume as a recreational sailor and even a racer. What I saw that night was a heart-depth his strong will and mind had hidden.
He was coming home from his twice a week trip to the Bay and when he pulled into the driveway of their ranch home he saw his wife screaming in horror from the front porch. It turns out the front wheel of his SUV had run over their dog, was in fact on his dog, wheel on belly, as he stopped moving to try and figure his wife out. When he realized what had happened, he had to roll back off the dog. This would be traumatic for anyone; for some, it's almost the same as running over a child. B is one of those.
He went into hysterics, and it was his wife who thought to wrap the dog in a blanket and call the vet. All B remembers before they got the dog in the blanket is the dog pulling herself towards him using only her front legs, her back legs and belly dragging on the ground. They put the dog in the back of the SUV, still, wrapped in the blanket like a sling, and his wife drove to the doggie hospital while B lay in the back holding his dog. He said he prayed as he has never prayed, prayed that his dog would live, would be healed, would be okay.
The first vet only stabilized the animal for shock and then sent them to a true animal emergency room. There they dropped the dog off, left it overnight for treatment and observation, and went home to sleep. The next day when he visited the dog it came out, walking on all fours, wagging its tail. Sore, but the x-rays showed no internal injury. Bruising, but no broken bones or damaged organs.
That is a fascinating and moving story. I don't know if it was an answer to prayer, a miraculous healing, because the trauma to the dog was so sudden and I know other run-over dog stories where the dog survived without serious injury; of course, some dogs die. But his account began the group talking, or maybe something else did, and we all shared experiences we had in our Christian lives that we couldn't explain, beginning with me.
I've told my story before but it's worth telling again. Steph and I were at church a couple years ago and a young man and his family came to the service for prayer. I had never seen the boy and I haven't seen him since. He was wearing a military uniform and was shipping out to Iraq. When the deacon asked if anyone wanted to come forward to pray, Steph stood up next to me and I thought, well, I better get up too. I hate the war and certainly felt moved by what I was witnessing, was willing to pray, but mostly I was caught off guard.
We walked up to the front of the little church, the same place I walk and stand when I usher two or three times a month. A group laid hands on the young man and I put my had on someone's shoulder in front of me.
It was then that I felt it. I cannot assure the reader it was supernatural, but I have considered every other possibility and can say I have never had another experience like it before or since: I felt a weight on my shoulders, a heat and a weight, more heat than anything perhaps. As if someone was right behind me, hunched a fraction of an inch from my skin. I almost shrugged my shoulders to see what if anything was touching me. It was quite physical. We prayed for a minute or less, and I continued to feel the heat and weight, like a mantle or blanket. I don't know exactly when this ended, but I do know when we stopped praying (that may have been when it went away) I looked behind me and Steph and I were on the outside of the circle. I believe not even a person standing right behind me could have caused that sensation unless they had both arms spread and were actually so close I could feel their skin heat through my own clothes. It was something I didn't tell anyone about for along time, in fact, I told no one except my blog until that night at EFM.
Next came my friend S. S has been in our parish for more than fifty years, sixty maybe; I believe she was baptized there. As a historical Episcopal parish, we're pretty conservative when it comes to the day to day miraculous and S is no exception. But she told a story from ten or fifteen years ago, when the parish was having prayer for healing services (this service was gone since I came five years ago). When she went to the altar rail for communion she looked at the woman next to her and S swears there was a light coming down and shining, illuminating, this woman as she prayed. S says that the she knew the woman from a yoga class and knew she desperately needed prayer, but she never saw her after the prayer service and never found out what happened to her problem (whatever it was; S didn't say).
Of course my skeptical gear kicked in and I asked if there was light outside (no, night service) if any light from inside the building was shining on her, but S has been in this parish since before it had air conditioning and my question really was foolish. She is quite sure there was no naturalistic explanation. Just a light coming down from above onto this woman.
Then C spoke. He said that at his confirmation he felt the distinct presence of the Other, but my skeptical nature is so strong I can't confirm that this was supernatural in origin, nor am I stupid enough to deny that it was. However, he had one other experience. C has been Episcopal most of his life and very involved in the church for decades. Once some years ago at Christian retreat he said that while he was watching a woman speak to the group he saw her glow. I of course wanted to know every detail I could, but he felt he saw her 'shekinah,' that she began glowing when she began speaking and that she stopped glowing when she stopped speaking. I believe this took place during a time when silence was imposed and so he only asked her about it later. The speaker herself hadn't noticed the light. C is from a business background, also Episcopalian, also skeptical. I asked him a number of searching questions, but he is quite sure he saw what he saw.
What is to be made of all this? Why don't Christians see miracles every day? I don't know, though I do know that Jesus looked down on those who, after he fed the multitude, sought him out just because of the miracle. What he wanted was spiritual, not physical, hunger. Paul complains that 'the Jews demand signs and the Greeks wisdom.' He felt the crucifixion and resurrection message itself should be enough. Apparently he also saw a light so bright it blinded him, according to Luke at least.
What struck me about these accounts, including my own, is that none of us were in any particularly agitated or expectant state; the miracles we experienced were not the kinds of things we see happening often, or at all, in the NT. There was at least one other share where D felt that at his first confirmation he perceived 'an energy' between himself and the altar and that a woman in the choir also felt something and wrote him a letter about it. But the three I told here in detail (not in any way to detract from B or D's accounts) are the ones that struck me most as empirical experiences at the time.
Do other religions have these same moments? I don't actually know. Others must have miracles in their literature or described from their services, but I only imagine. Obvious myth doesn't count; I'm talking about concrete experiences witnessed first-hand. I remember one story about a 14 year old girl that Joseph Smith insisted marry him against her initial will; she saw a bright light the night after he confronted her and she felt convinced she should go ahead and marry Smith after her vision, but this is told more than second hand and obviously the circumstances make it impossible to attribute to Christ. Just because God wasn't involved in that event (if it actually happened) in my view doesn't mean he isn't involved in other places. Her story does not mean my own experience was purely psychosomatic or imagined.
And that's why I labeled this On Holy Ground. I'm not talking about outcomes which might be chance, or inner urgings or hunches, or a belief that God orders the events in the human universe (I have a very hard time believing he does on the day to day scale) and that this or that was 'God's will.' These experiences, drawn from decades of combined spiritual living, stick out to me in my doubt as something I can't easily dismiss. I wish I could say they've solved all my doubt issues, but not yet at least. Still, I haven't forgotten what I experienced and what I heard.
***
Been doing a little posting here. It's quite possible I misunderstood Brad's post on therapy, but I remain convinced: the church should embrace every tool to help the suffering that it can, including the technology that comes out of therapy. That therapy is not enough in itself seems obvious to me after having done so much; certainly it's possible to have every therapeutic tool and no ethic, no genuine love. Christian ethics have to surround every piece of the process, and I've seen that happen even with non-Christian therapists! But no doubt, the texts we call the Bible do not possess everything we need to live life effectively. Psychotherapeutic method and process is one of those things that while informed or shaped by Jesus' vision, isn't included in the books we have.
***
This is more than I have time for. Papers to grade and a novel to read by Monday night for my Sci. Fi. class (Stoker's Dracula, my first time). Be well all. Hope to be back sooner rather than later.
Comments
that is a cool story, for the history of it and also for what may have been an answered prayer.
And thanks bro, for posting here. It's nice to hear your voice (but I well know how busy you are with three wonderful girls).
I think of Gideon in Judges. More than anyone in the OT (so far) he's needed a physical 'sign,' proof that God was indeed calling him. He asked more than once, and he got more than once. Not quite the austere attitude of James, but there it is.
I'm loving the photos on your blog btw. Your family, truly, is a miracle.
t