The News
I didn't get the position. I know I got into the final five, and the president is supposed to draw two from the those five, but I do know I wasn't hired. I got the call yesterday morning.
Can I count the many blessings of my current job: yes. In fact, it's a better gig, it's just so far away! And it was me who moved myself into the mountains, well, my wife and I, with an eye even then, back in 01, on the college where I just missed getting a position. There's a thousand things to say, but I'll just hit the big ones.
First, thanks for all the kind comments to the two posts below; I just read them.
Two, I woke this morning after a bad dream, a dream where someone from the college I applied to was showing me this long list of all the things I could have done better. And I'm anxious, sad and sick anxious; didn't C.S. Lewis say he was surprised 'how much grief felt like fear.' That's it. But it's not overwhelming, I'm hanging in, and most amazingly, I haven't retreated into any dark obsessions, dark as in bang into this, bump into that, cut yourself on that corner over there or worse. I let my anger roll pretty freely yesterday, and my hurt. And everyone at my campus I told reacted the same way: shock but sincere and deep support. I'm hurting, yes, and scared, yes, and unsure now we'll manage our long-distance future, but while next semester I'm on campus three days a week instead of two, for the near future anyway, online classes are plentiful.
Because the college is not meeting its growth numbers for the first time in many years; we're building a new parking structure over the next couple years and students (and faculty) will have a hard time parking; that will further impact growth. So now online is hotter than ever; it's come down hard and heavy from the top, and I will be able to teach plenty for the next three years at least. Pretty funny, almost.
And three (am I on three or four now) I received communication from someone at the campus I applied to. The same day I found out. This person wants to talk with me secretly. In my district any feedback regarding the hiring process is strictly forbidden; you're told flat out, 'you were never here.' Like the CIA or something. But this person hinted that something very wrong went down. I haven't heard the full story, or as much of the story as I can or will get, but I think the President may have overridden the recommendations of the faculty hiring panel, or worse. The one thing this person did say is that their campus is a sick and dysfunctional family, and I'm better off staying at the functional one I'm in for now; also, that there would be opportunities to apply again later when things had changed their campus.
What to make of this? Whether this person is overstating out of kindness or not, it sure felt good to hear that I may have been a victim of something underhanded. That sounds funny, but it would mean that my not getting the job had less to do with me than I thought.
Because while I may have biffed my f2f interview a bit being on muscle relaxants and all, the truth is I'm not a normal candidate and I was applying in-district. I know at this level things get random, but I've done impressive work at my current college, work the college I applied to needs done, and I'm pretty surprised it didn't happen. Truthfully, I thought I had it after that second interview.
Well, I may be rambling.
It hurts, gang. But I have to say I asked God, tentatively but plainly, to let his will be done in this thing three or four weeks ago. Maybe it has been. I don't know, but it sounds like this new job might have been a much worse situation than I knew, might have interfered with my work at my little mountain parish or my efm classes starting in the fall.
Whatever, at the feeling level, I'd like to punch the president in the face. Just a feeling, of course.
I need to run for now. Sincere thanks for all who have supported me in prayers and hearts since this mess began. At least now I know what I have to deal with in the near future; the uncertainty is past.
t
Can I count the many blessings of my current job: yes. In fact, it's a better gig, it's just so far away! And it was me who moved myself into the mountains, well, my wife and I, with an eye even then, back in 01, on the college where I just missed getting a position. There's a thousand things to say, but I'll just hit the big ones.
First, thanks for all the kind comments to the two posts below; I just read them.
Two, I woke this morning after a bad dream, a dream where someone from the college I applied to was showing me this long list of all the things I could have done better. And I'm anxious, sad and sick anxious; didn't C.S. Lewis say he was surprised 'how much grief felt like fear.' That's it. But it's not overwhelming, I'm hanging in, and most amazingly, I haven't retreated into any dark obsessions, dark as in bang into this, bump into that, cut yourself on that corner over there or worse. I let my anger roll pretty freely yesterday, and my hurt. And everyone at my campus I told reacted the same way: shock but sincere and deep support. I'm hurting, yes, and scared, yes, and unsure now we'll manage our long-distance future, but while next semester I'm on campus three days a week instead of two, for the near future anyway, online classes are plentiful.
Because the college is not meeting its growth numbers for the first time in many years; we're building a new parking structure over the next couple years and students (and faculty) will have a hard time parking; that will further impact growth. So now online is hotter than ever; it's come down hard and heavy from the top, and I will be able to teach plenty for the next three years at least. Pretty funny, almost.
And three (am I on three or four now) I received communication from someone at the campus I applied to. The same day I found out. This person wants to talk with me secretly. In my district any feedback regarding the hiring process is strictly forbidden; you're told flat out, 'you were never here.' Like the CIA or something. But this person hinted that something very wrong went down. I haven't heard the full story, or as much of the story as I can or will get, but I think the President may have overridden the recommendations of the faculty hiring panel, or worse. The one thing this person did say is that their campus is a sick and dysfunctional family, and I'm better off staying at the functional one I'm in for now; also, that there would be opportunities to apply again later when things had changed their campus.
What to make of this? Whether this person is overstating out of kindness or not, it sure felt good to hear that I may have been a victim of something underhanded. That sounds funny, but it would mean that my not getting the job had less to do with me than I thought.
Because while I may have biffed my f2f interview a bit being on muscle relaxants and all, the truth is I'm not a normal candidate and I was applying in-district. I know at this level things get random, but I've done impressive work at my current college, work the college I applied to needs done, and I'm pretty surprised it didn't happen. Truthfully, I thought I had it after that second interview.
Well, I may be rambling.
It hurts, gang. But I have to say I asked God, tentatively but plainly, to let his will be done in this thing three or four weeks ago. Maybe it has been. I don't know, but it sounds like this new job might have been a much worse situation than I knew, might have interfered with my work at my little mountain parish or my efm classes starting in the fall.
Whatever, at the feeling level, I'd like to punch the president in the face. Just a feeling, of course.
I need to run for now. Sincere thanks for all who have supported me in prayers and hearts since this mess began. At least now I know what I have to deal with in the near future; the uncertainty is past.
t
Comments